On Saturday night some foul thief stole my beloved, favourite pair of tigerĀ print underpants. I bought them in 2003 when I was living in Miami and wore them to more parties than I can remember, I wore them on the street, on my head, in the pool, in the sea.Ā I am those pants. They are a part of me.Ā I retired them in 2022 and had them framed and displayed in my museumās loo where they have been a much loved and photographed exhibit
Last weekend some vile criminal levered them of the wall and stole them.Ā Ā The police are uninterested as the auction record for a pair of my underpants is Ā£50 (Chiswick Auctions 2022), and as they were in the loo CCTV is no help.Ā I am offering a reward of Ā£666 for their safe return.
My pants have been auctioned, bought privately, displayed in a museum, featured in a book and are sold on The Last Tuesday Societyās Website.Ā Ā But these are irreplaceable pants.Ā Please Please return them.Ā If they are not returned I will call down a curse upon the genitals of the foul thief, they will shrivel and become useless for any pleasurable activity until my pants have been returned ā I have your DNA from the case.Ā Ā The worse thing of all is somebody is probably wearing then now.
contact [email protected] or return the pants, with your bank details, to the museum at 11 Mare Street, London
